


Da Is Fat!

by TheMirkyKing



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Puns, Barduil - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, chubby hubby - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:56:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9897938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMirkyKing/pseuds/TheMirkyKing
Summary: Bard is made aware of his change in appearence and finds that Thranduil doesn't mind one bit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully Pillsbury will forgive me for this! I couldn't resist! ;D

Bard groaned as his husband, Thranduil Oropherion, slipped out of bed.

“For god's-sake Thran, its 6am!” Bard grumbled.

“Yes, and Sunday, so you know what that means.” Thran chuckled. Bard harrumphed and snuggled deeper into their warm, comfortable bed, pulling his husbands pillow into his arms and snuffled at it. Bard smiled sleepily as he inhaled his mates scent. Thran brushed Bard’s unruly hair back from his forehead and kissed him. “I’m going to make coffee cake…” Thranduil trilled. Bard grunted and pulled the blankets over his head. Thranduil grinned as he kissed the blanketed head. “Okay, then stay in bed, lazy bones! I can’t promise anything will be left for you.” 

Bard was already drifting back to sleep. Bard couldn’t understand how his husband could come home at 1am and be up at 6am. It was inhuman! Thranduil had laughed the first time Bard had said that to him. “That is the life of a chef Bard.” Thranduil had replied. Granted, the minute Thranduil’s head hit the pillow he was dead to the world. Most nights Thranduil was home by 11pm but Friday and Saturday were his late night. Still, no matter how late he came home, he always seemed to be up at 6am. Bard snorted and muttered “inhuman,” before slumber claimed him.

The scent of cinnamon and vanilla wafted up from the kitchen was not enough of a temptation to get Bard up and out of bed. It was the heavenly aroma of bacon that finally roused him. Bard groggily pulled on his plaid fleece pajama bottoms and rummaged in the dresser for a tee shirt. Bard snagged his favorite and pulled it on. He grunted as he tugged at it. It felt a bit snug. He must have washed it in hot water. Bard didn’t think much about it as he trotted down the stairs and towards the delicious smells emanating from the kitchen. 

Thranduil sat perched on a bar stool at the kitchen island, his usual spot. Newspaper spread before him and a bowl of coffee in his hand. Sigrid, Bain and Tilda were at the breakfast table. Bard greeted them, kissing the top of each head as he came past. The snickers that greeted him, he put down to the comics before them. He came over to the island and kissed Thran. 

Bard poured himself coffee and made a bee line for the bacon. Thranduil had done his usual Sunday breakfast spread. Coffee cake, quiche, fruit salad and the crowning glory….bacon! Today he had baked it with brown sugar and chili pepper. It was sweet, spicy and wonderful. Bard stuffed two pieces into his mouth right away. More snickering erupted from the table . Thranduil cocked an eyebrow at him, hiding a smile behind his coffee bowl. Bard hummed happily as he grabbed a plate, filling it with all the breakfast goodies and more bacon. Thranduil made a little noise which made Bard look over to him.

“What?” Bard asked as Thranduil gave him a crooked smile.

“How many pieces does that make?” Thranduil asked blandly as he sipped his coffee. Bard bristled and put back the two strips he was about to add to his plate, still leaving four pieces there.

“And I’m sure that is just half and half in your coffee?” Bard snapped. Thranduil raised his bowl in a toast.

“Irish Cream is nothing more than fancy creamer,” Thranduil quipped. “There’s nothing wrong with having a coffee nudge or two on a lazy Sunday morning.” Bard sniffed at this explanation.

More titters from the table. Bard glanced over at to see them all look away. What was going on? Bard pondered. He was about to ask when Legolas came in from the mudroom. Legolas was flushed from his morning run. Thranduil greeted his son with a kiss and Legolas gave Bard a bemused look before he kissed Bard on the cheek in greeting. Legolas filled a bowl with fruit and joined his siblings. 

“Legolas, you need to eat more.” Bard chided his stepson. “You’re skin and bones!” Legolas rolled his eyes and shared an amused look with his siblings.

“Yeah Lego, you can learn a thing or two about eating from Da!” Bain muttered under his breath. All of the children giggled and Bard frowned as he came over to glare at his son.

“What does that mean?” Bard demanded. Bain avoid his father’s gaze and Bard looked at his other children. All of them seemed to find the table surface incredibly interesting. “Well?” He pressed.

“Well….you’re kind’a puffy Da!” Tilda finally piped up. Bard blinked at her. Bard glanced at Thranduil, who seemed just as amused as the children.

“Puffy?” Bard huffed. “What do you mean by puffy?” Sigrid bit her lip and Legolas snorted. Bain grinned at his father. 

“You’re fat, Da!” Bain happily exclaimed. Sigrid and Legolas grimaced at Bain’s glee. Bard’s mouth fell open at this. FAT? He couldn’t even believe it. Seeing Sigrid scrutinize at his belly, Bard flinched and he rushed out of the kitchen with the calls of “DA, don’t be mad,” ringing out. Bard pounded up the stairs to their bedroom and into the private bathroom.

Bard pulled out the bathroom scale and stepped onto it. Bard gasped at the number displayed. Bard looked at himself in the mirror. 30 pounds! How could he have gained so much weight? Okay, he had noticed that his clothes were feeling a bit snug, but 30 pounds?! Why hadn’t anyone said anything? He was frowning at his belly when Thranduil knocked on the bathroom door and came in. Bard sighed as Thranduil shut the door, leaning against it to watch his husband jiggle his tummy. 

“I’m HUGE!” Bard wailed at Thranduil. Thranduil shook his head at him, a sly smile forming on his lips. Thranduil locked the door and came up behind Bard, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Thranduil kissed Bard’s neck and looked at him in the mirror.

“Non-sense,” Thranduil purred, “you look fine.” Bard huffed at this.

“I look like the Pillsbury Doughboy.” Bard griped. Thranduil rolled his eyes at him.

“Whatever poppin’ fresh. I wonder though, will you giggle if I poke your tummy?” Thranduil purred as his hand slipped down to squeeze his stomach. Bard slapped at his hand in annoyance. 

“How can you stand me being all pudgy?” Bard asked, eyes pleading in the mirror. Thranduil laughed and kissed Bard’s neck again.

“I like a little cushion for the pushing!” Thranduil exclaimed, eyes alight with mischief. Bard snorted at this and Thranduil’s smile took on a lecherous quality. “Now where were we….ah yes, seeing if you would giggle if I poke you.” Bard’s breath caught when Thranduil’s hand slipped under his pajama bottoms to cup his penis. Thranduil nibbled Bard’s earlobe and began to stroke him slowly.

“Stop it Thran,” Bard panted. “The kids are just downstairs….” 

“Pfft, the door is locked and they are busy doing their own stuff.” Thranduil assured him as his other hand slid down Bard’s back, pulling his PJ’s down so he could squeeze Bard’s ass. “Hmmmm, you know how much I love to frost those sweet buns of yours!”

Bard groaned at the bad pun but it was short lived. Bard didn’t giggle when Thranduil poked him, although there was plenty of moaning from them both.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!  
> Kudos and Comments always tickle me pink! :D


End file.
